you’d think after 25 years of life, i would know who i want to be. but she changes so many times in my head that i can’t keep up with her. i always feel a few years behind her, calling to her for advice and direction. but she doesn’t respond, that would be cheating.
i’m always striving to be this woman from my divine imagination who is loving, kind, beautiful, giving, secure in her beliefs and relationships. but she’s always beyond grasp financially and emotionally and spiritually.
so i am just me after a quarter of a century. most days i’m tired. tired of trying to reach her, be her, live her life. this pursuit has been exhausting and lonely sometimes, this eternal pursuit of true self.
my prayer is for grace, to ease this inner struggle, and for some rest as i continue to grow into the woman who God intended.
